I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
