Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
