Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
