he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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