So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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