I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
