I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
