did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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