he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
