She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
