i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
