omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
