Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
