She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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