I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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