we're blogging at a bar
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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