Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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