just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
