I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
