I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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