Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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