also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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