Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
