did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
