I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
