Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
