$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
