I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
