does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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