im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
