I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
