I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
