chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
