Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
