he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am one with the molecules
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
