my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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