Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
