Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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