she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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