It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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