i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
