I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
