remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
