Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Four minutes until I can fart!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
