He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my being single is dangerous.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
