Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
