So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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