It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
