Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
