Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Welp...herpes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
