Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
