I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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