I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
