Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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